Funeral homes mirror a modern-day emphasis on cost and comfort. But will they survive?

Todd Wetherington

Over his 20 years in the business, Rex Bennett, Cotten Funeral Home’s managing director, has witnessed firsthand the changes that have taken place in public attitudes toward after-death arrangements and in the way funeral homes are maintained financially. 

Bennett said the biggest shift he has seen is from a predominantly burial-based business to one that is largely concerned with cremation, which at one time was practically unthinkable in the United States. He said the change is driven by the perceived simplicity of cremation, financial concerns and the reality of today’s more transient society.

The history of Cotten Funeral Home in New Bern mirrors both the transformations that have taken place within the funeral business itself and the American public’s shifting attitudes about death over the last century.

Though the exact date is unknown, the business that would become Cotten Funeral Home began in the late 19th century as a tombstone manufacturer called the Joe K. Willis Company. Originally located in downtown New Bern, it became the Willis and Ballard Funeral Home when Willis’ grandson, Albert Willis Jr., bought out the business and partnered with Frank Ballard. After being relocated to its current address at 2201 Neuse Blvd., in 1970 the funeral home was sold to R.L. Cotten Sr. and R.L. Cotten Jr. 

Bennett said cremation currently accounts for roughly 65 percent of Cotten Funeral Home’s business.

“A lot has changed through the years. People who are living here often have moved from other places so being cremated and being carried back to their homes is simpler than the thought of burial,” Bennett said. “Cremation at one point in time seemed to be taboo in a lot of segments of society and that stigma has been lifted over the last 30 years or so; people are much more comfortable with the idea.”

According to the Cremations Association of North America, the average crematory fee is $1,400, or a sixth the cost of an average funeral. Today, one in three bodies are cremated, according to the International Cemetery and Cremation Funeral Association. 

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Though the story of the funeral home business has traditionally been one of family-owned ventures passed down from generation to generation, Bennett said beginning in the late 1990s a wave of corporate funeral providers began purchasing family-owned funeral homes, including Cotten.

In 1996, the funeral home merged with Keystone Group, which in March 2010 merged with Service Corp. International, the owner of more funeral homes, cemeteries, and crematories than any other company in North America, according to a recent report by Atlantic magazine. At last count, the company operated 1,254 funeral service locations and 372 cemeteries in 43 states, Canada, Puerto Rico, and Germany. 

And like almost every other business, the Internet has had a significant impact on funeral homes. Families looking for discount prices on coffins can now turn to Wal-Mart and Amazon, which sell caskets for as little as two-thirds of their retail price.

Those changes have affected the bottom lines of businesses across the country. In 2019, there were 19,136 funeral homes in the United States, down from 19,177 the previous year and more than 22,000 in 2004. 

The toll on the living

As a funeral director and manager who recruits and hires staff, Bennett said the most important attribute he looks for is compassion.

”There needs to be a certain level of empathy so when you meet with people you can place yourself in their shoes and understand where they’re coming from,” he said. “We deal with all types of people in all different stages of grief and it’s important to realize that sometimes the anger that’s coming out is not directed at you, it’s just part of the process.”

But empathizing with those in grief can place a unique burden on those who deal with death and its aftermath, he explained.

”In my career, I have seen things I wish I could unsee and one day hope that I will be able to forget,” said Bennett. “But I also understand that the community needs to have people in this role who can handle difficult situations. I try to realize that what we do makes a difference.”

Bennett, who also serves as a pastor, said he became interested in funeral homework while still in high school. He said he considers the job to be a part of his “spiritual calling.” 

“I rely on my faith quite a bit, because there are certainly difficult and tragic situations that I have to lean on the Lord’s help on a daily basis,” he commented. 

Even in the second decade of the 21st Century, said Bennett, there are still those who would stigmatize funeral service workers. 

“There have been times when, honestly, I wanted to quit and give it up,” he admitted. “But I would say that what we do for the community matters and making a difference in people’s lives is what keeps me coming to work everyday.

“We are not the cold, detached people that are often portrayed in the media,” he added, “but in fact we’re kind and compassionate and we genuinely care about the people we’re serving.”

Managing the unimaginable

While the business model may have changed, Bennett said much of what happens at Cotten Funeral Home on a day-to-day basis would be familiar to funeral workers from a century ago. 

After being notified that an individual has died, his staff reaches out to the family to express their condolences and to find out if they have any immediate questions. If their services are requested, staff will go to the hospital, nursing home, hospice house or private residence to retrieve the body.

The family must then decide what types of services they will be requesting, paramount being the choice between traditional burial or cremation.

“We do our best to walk them through very patiently, very tactfully those decisions that they have to make and to do it with as little pressure as possible,” Bennett said. “We know it’s a stressful time already, so we do our best to do that in a kind, thoughtful way.”

The funeral home is also responsible for helping write the obituary and completing the death certificate. For individuals that pass away at a hospital, the physician caring for the patient at the time of their passing will complete the physician's portion of the death certificate and then forward it to the funeral home.

Staff then gather the information needed from the family and the certificate is registered at the Health Department before being sent to the Register of Deeds, where it is certified and filed.

Bennett said his staff’s day begins with a meeting of funeral directors, funeral assistants and office personnel to go through what has happened the night before and review the services scheduled for that day. Then they will meet with families, sometimes into the evening, to put together a plan for the services they have requested.

“We do our best to kind of accommodate their schedule and sometimes the only time they can come in is at 6 p.m. at night,” said Bennett. “We will meet a family at their point of need.” 

Cotten Funeral Home’s preparation staff works through the day, bathing and dressing the deceased, doing embalming procedures, and taking other steps to prepare individuals for viewings or cremation.

“Many people don’t realize this but you can have a viewing prior to cremation,” said Bennett. “We’re hosting families almost on a daily basis for private as well as public viewings.”

Bennett urged families to preplan with their loved ones concerning their end-of-life wishes.

“Obviously we realize that sometimes things happen very suddenly and very tragically, and sadly we cannot plan for those events. But for the vast majority of us we know a few things in life are certain and this is one of those things. So the more people can do to prepare for that event the better off they will be and their family for sure.”

A future for funeral homes?

Funeral homes have had to make tough decisions, said Bennett, and the days of large, stately businesses, such as Cotten Funeral Home, may be coming to an end due to rising overhead costs. He said the change is similar to what occurred in the 1930s and 40s, when it was still common for undertakers to prepare a body at the family’s home before it was carried to the cemetery of the community church up the road. With advancements of embalming following both World Wars, noted Bennett, the concept of the modern day funeral home came into existence. 

“It became a very convenient and comfortable place for people to come and hold viewings in a space that was larger than the home and it allowed more people to be a part of those services. The shift that we saw then is in many ways happening in reverse now,” said Bennett.

As times and customs change the business has to adapt, he stressed. As an example, he noted that something almost unthinkable just a decade ago, refreshments or catering at a funeral service, now accounts for approximately a third of the services his staff performs. 

Bennett said there’s now much more focus on holding informal gatherings and “celebrations of life” rather than traditional funerals. 

“Just having a gathering of friends where people laugh and tell stories and really focus on the person’s life with pictures and bringing in people’s favorite examples of their hobbies and their interests. We’ve had a Harley Davidson motorcycle in the building for a Harley lover. Not too long ago we brought somebody's full-size kayak in and decorated the event around their love for the water.”

Despite a shortage of young, qualified candidates seeking careers in the funeral service industry, Bennett said he is still hopeful the business will continue to grow, even as it changes with the times.

“This is not the kind of work that little boys and little girls grow up and think ‘Wow, I want to be a funeral director’ in the same way they may dream of being a police officer or firefighter. But we are blessed to have two students on staff with us here who are doing a fantastic job. I’m confident that there are still some younger people to ultimately take my place when it’s time to move on.”

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